Маг.нет wrote:44
Humor
Re: Humor
Really struck a chord)))
https://cont.ws/post/231528Come to you, the patient, tells their problems. You listen to see the problem and point to her patient: "Here are the nail, with a need to get off". And he'll answer, "you, doctor, this is my favorite nail, I can not be without him. Give me a pill from the head."
You tell him "up your ass nail, the wound is bleeding, and you're still squeamish. Get off immediately." And in response to "You're a bad doctor, you don't want to give me a pill".
And you realize that recovery is impossible without the awareness of the true causes of disease and addressing them, with sincere
Re: Humor
The doctor asks the patient:
— How do you like new candle — sleeping pills?
— Fine, doctor, even a finger to pull don't have time.
- Dad, where are we going so late?
- We're going to do a good deed. On Parking cars for a day are tired, want to sleep, and undressed there.
— How do you like new candle — sleeping pills?
— Fine, doctor, even a finger to pull don't have time.
- Dad, where are we going so late?
- We're going to do a good deed. On Parking cars for a day are tired, want to sleep, and undressed there.
Re: Humor
The story is ridiculous , but immoral (in moderation)
Yesterday I crap right in the centre of the city.
And this is not funny, zdarovy man put full pants. And it was so,
I'm walking down the street, not bothering anyone, and then I wanted to fart. And on the street, yeah on a cold day, God himself commanded to give of soot. And I especially this
a thing like, give gas, I am a whale in this case is still the same, when I'm at home
keeping gas in the neighbors burners are going out from the air pressure.
So, I decided to fart. Farted when he farted, then realized that
was otpanel his own. Stand there and shit my pants, and nothing to do with it can't.Shit itself half and half, not even asking me permission for this
process.
I've always wondered why when serite home, serish
portions. Managed a one hundred grams, and ass so once and cut, then
page in the newspaper turned, ran headlines again katyashok
portion squeezed. When ubiraetsya in his pants, neither of which portion
Kahlo extrusion cannot go and speeches. Stupid ass open and shit
climbs. The ass opens so widely, I have
the impression is that she is without my consent, to participate in the competition
"Wyse katag of Diametro 30 cm and win a mobile phone". The question is..ya my ass a cell phone.
I shit in my outfit, seriously. I stand sweating, the center of the city, to the house as to Moscow on his knees. Stand, and myself in my head trying to find a way out, something to do. Walk to totter about three hours, and it is full of cowards shit, this idea compartment immediately. then figured it's cold, let think sit down on the bench, shit will freeze slightly, and I was in subway life and so rush get home.
He sat on the bench and I sit in the ass so warm, And immediately thought if shit in pants freezes, the eggs also come skiff. I even became ill from the thought.Stood up.People would give me something to pass by, it can be seen realized what I conceive. I can not figure out.
Then a brilliant idea struck me. I'm in the building to come, in the Elevator
sneak in there and take off panties ass they also wipe well, and home to the quick.
Mean I go to the door, calling the lift. Stand and shit that is already beginning to cool, the feeling is let's say not pleasant. In the stairwell I realized one more thing, I really smell like cattle not washed, and it stinks. Elevator arrived, I go press the button for the fourteenth floor, and the second hand, the pants stretch, so I didn't have time until the Elevator arrives. The door started closed and then the Elevator flies nice establishment of a female.
— Oh you on the 14th floor, and I was 13 she sang
— Well I'll pass you, then get down to the floor. Of course proedimsya, I pressed a button already, I thought buttoning his pants.
The Elevator went, and I have all in my head the noise, back sweat, and the shit has completely cooled.
And I think that the smell in the Elevator started very strongly, because the creation, strangely looked at me. I froze, tipo che need not I shit in the Elevator and that's it. Fucking and scribe somewhere on the tenth floor gave us a great curtsy, bade us farewell, and the light went out. I almost fuck up
again.The Elevator got stuck.
-Oh, is the Elevator stuck?!-asked the girl.
-I understand that, Yes, is I pretend to be intelegent. And I think to myself what
I do with his shit and his dirty ass. But something has to be done.
And here this Khivrya, pushes some button, and starts with someone to speak to, address to call home and ask for help. I introduced myself,
what right now come Adjusters, we begin from here to take out, to ask why
shit stinks, my shit felt like it. In the Elevator, though dark eyes
dark.And then realized that while the Elevator is dark, you have bystromu pants
to remove, and then underpants down and in the corner of the quiet to put. And when the light
include it the habit to light a Fig what you see.
Rastegaeva pants, shurshu things that even the most scary.
-What are you doing?much swallowing she asked.
Continued...
Yeah I'm getting more convenient to wait that long.-and the pants sprinted.
-What's that smell?-frightened she asked. I really bit she blurted out that I fuck up on the street and this shit stink that the scribe, but give other:
Yeah the bastards shitting in elevators, do not breathe.-and the pants already
completely removed, I stand in the Elevator in the ordinary underwear. I thought
right now turn the light on girl's tips will give from what I have seen, but do
there is nothing to work on.
The girl began to loudly swallow saliva, apparently also crap with fright. And I shurshu things.
Himself think to myself, how could so contrived and quietly remove the panties. And then imagine, what will be the stench.
-Man, you mean no sleep pain please don't hurt me.wailed the voice of the girl
-Yes you that, in my mind, I'm a father of two children, go to the companion on important business, how could you think such a thing about me?-sure I say, and begin otlipat panties from the ass. Blah it stinks like shit when usiness pants.
It stinks like a toilet, it stinks so that flies are still flying
lose consciousness, and then another week in intensive care kantuta Girl too
felt something not right, began quietly whimpering in the corner.
-Yes you stop, I won't touch you, I say. And he already take off pants from the ass, and I would like to remove them from feet to smatatsja shit?
A girl in my opinion, the smell of e.....Las finally.
-You...-she myamlet.
-Why are you, you, stand still, say you give a shit who you, can I joined, here and it stinks.
The girl I settled on the floor of the Elevator. I think I am from its smell slightly mind do not lose.
But on the other hand, understand that we must not tarry, now or never.
In short I bent down and took the panties with one leg. On the floor is something blurted out, in my outfit it was the shit of cowards. The girl in the corner has just mooing like a cow.
I slavilsya and pulled her panties aside with the other foot. I already feel better,
half the work done. Stand with your panties in your hand and think, in what corner sits this
Khivrya rivosa, well, not to throw her panties on his head, and not to get in their pants. Listen, yeah sits on the contrary, to mean the opposite corner of the necessary aims.
And here the scribe crept unnoticed. The light turns on, and the Elevator moved. When my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that with the girl something, her Eyes are like fifteen inch monitors, mouth open, hands hanging whips, mouth like a fish does, in short everything I think the scribe was demolished from the fright of the tower. And then I realized. The picture in the Elevator. I stand naked below the waist, covered in shit. In the hands of cowards with shit and look at the girl. She's still shorter than five seconds his mouth was renovated and the blunt fell to the floor. All I think have died, I'm still squinting in the Elevator was not enough.
Decided to not lose time, pantie ass and wiped his feet. Pants wearing and standing as an honest citizen waiting for her floor. The girl on the floor, probably dead, in the hands of cowards with shit that I kept them not know.
When the Elevator arrived, the girl still alive, and lying on the floor.
I thought it was wrong of her to leave, well, you pulled her onto the floor.Polazil carefully under the head of his briefs and ran from the house.
<
Yesterday I crap right in the centre of the city.
And this is not funny, zdarovy man put full pants. And it was so,
I'm walking down the street, not bothering anyone, and then I wanted to fart. And on the street, yeah on a cold day, God himself commanded to give of soot. And I especially this
a thing like, give gas, I am a whale in this case is still the same, when I'm at home
keeping gas in the neighbors burners are going out from the air pressure.
So, I decided to fart. Farted when he farted, then realized that
was otpanel his own. Stand there and shit my pants, and nothing to do with it can't.Shit itself half and half, not even asking me permission for this
process.
I've always wondered why when serite home, serish
portions. Managed a one hundred grams, and ass so once and cut, then
page in the newspaper turned, ran headlines again katyashok
portion squeezed. When ubiraetsya in his pants, neither of which portion
Kahlo extrusion cannot go and speeches. Stupid ass open and shit
climbs. The ass opens so widely, I have
the impression is that she is without my consent, to participate in the competition
"Wyse katag of Diametro 30 cm and win a mobile phone". The question is..ya my ass a cell phone.
I shit in my outfit, seriously. I stand sweating, the center of the city, to the house as to Moscow on his knees. Stand, and myself in my head trying to find a way out, something to do. Walk to totter about three hours, and it is full of cowards shit, this idea compartment immediately. then figured it's cold, let think sit down on the bench, shit will freeze slightly, and I was in subway life and so rush get home.
He sat on the bench and I sit in the ass so warm, And immediately thought if shit in pants freezes, the eggs also come skiff. I even became ill from the thought.Stood up.People would give me something to pass by, it can be seen realized what I conceive. I can not figure out.
Then a brilliant idea struck me. I'm in the building to come, in the Elevator
sneak in there and take off panties ass they also wipe well, and home to the quick.
Mean I go to the door, calling the lift. Stand and shit that is already beginning to cool, the feeling is let's say not pleasant. In the stairwell I realized one more thing, I really smell like cattle not washed, and it stinks. Elevator arrived, I go press the button for the fourteenth floor, and the second hand, the pants stretch, so I didn't have time until the Elevator arrives. The door started closed and then the Elevator flies nice establishment of a female.
— Oh you on the 14th floor, and I was 13 she sang
— Well I'll pass you, then get down to the floor. Of course proedimsya, I pressed a button already, I thought buttoning his pants.
The Elevator went, and I have all in my head the noise, back sweat, and the shit has completely cooled.
And I think that the smell in the Elevator started very strongly, because the creation, strangely looked at me. I froze, tipo che need not I shit in the Elevator and that's it. Fucking and scribe somewhere on the tenth floor gave us a great curtsy, bade us farewell, and the light went out. I almost fuck up
again.The Elevator got stuck.
-Oh, is the Elevator stuck?!-asked the girl.
-I understand that, Yes, is I pretend to be intelegent. And I think to myself what
I do with his shit and his dirty ass. But something has to be done.
And here this Khivrya, pushes some button, and starts with someone to speak to, address to call home and ask for help. I introduced myself,
what right now come Adjusters, we begin from here to take out, to ask why
shit stinks, my shit felt like it. In the Elevator, though dark eyes
dark.And then realized that while the Elevator is dark, you have bystromu pants
to remove, and then underpants down and in the corner of the quiet to put. And when the light
include it the habit to light a Fig what you see.
Rastegaeva pants, shurshu things that even the most scary.
-What are you doing?much swallowing she asked.
Continued...
Yeah I'm getting more convenient to wait that long.-and the pants sprinted.
-What's that smell?-frightened she asked. I really bit she blurted out that I fuck up on the street and this shit stink that the scribe, but give other:
Yeah the bastards shitting in elevators, do not breathe.-and the pants already
completely removed, I stand in the Elevator in the ordinary underwear. I thought
right now turn the light on girl's tips will give from what I have seen, but do
there is nothing to work on.
The girl began to loudly swallow saliva, apparently also crap with fright. And I shurshu things.
Himself think to myself, how could so contrived and quietly remove the panties. And then imagine, what will be the stench.
-Man, you mean no sleep pain please don't hurt me.wailed the voice of the girl
-Yes you that, in my mind, I'm a father of two children, go to the companion on important business, how could you think such a thing about me?-sure I say, and begin otlipat panties from the ass. Blah it stinks like shit when usiness pants.
It stinks like a toilet, it stinks so that flies are still flying
lose consciousness, and then another week in intensive care kantuta Girl too
felt something not right, began quietly whimpering in the corner.
-Yes you stop, I won't touch you, I say. And he already take off pants from the ass, and I would like to remove them from feet to smatatsja shit?
A girl in my opinion, the smell of e.....Las finally.
-You...-she myamlet.
-Why are you, you, stand still, say you give a shit who you, can I joined, here and it stinks.
The girl I settled on the floor of the Elevator. I think I am from its smell slightly mind do not lose.
But on the other hand, understand that we must not tarry, now or never.
In short I bent down and took the panties with one leg. On the floor is something blurted out, in my outfit it was the shit of cowards. The girl in the corner has just mooing like a cow.
I slavilsya and pulled her panties aside with the other foot. I already feel better,
half the work done. Stand with your panties in your hand and think, in what corner sits this
Khivrya rivosa, well, not to throw her panties on his head, and not to get in their pants. Listen, yeah sits on the contrary, to mean the opposite corner of the necessary aims.
And here the scribe crept unnoticed. The light turns on, and the Elevator moved. When my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that with the girl something, her Eyes are like fifteen inch monitors, mouth open, hands hanging whips, mouth like a fish does, in short everything I think the scribe was demolished from the fright of the tower. And then I realized. The picture in the Elevator. I stand naked below the waist, covered in shit. In the hands of cowards with shit and look at the girl. She's still shorter than five seconds his mouth was renovated and the blunt fell to the floor. All I think have died, I'm still squinting in the Elevator was not enough.
Decided to not lose time, pantie ass and wiped his feet. Pants wearing and standing as an honest citizen waiting for her floor. The girl on the floor, probably dead, in the hands of cowards with shit that I kept them not know.
When the Elevator arrived, the girl still alive, and lying on the floor.
I thought it was wrong of her to leave, well, you pulled her onto the floor.Polazil carefully under the head of his briefs and ran from the house.
<
Last edited by Патрик on Mon Apr 11, 2016 15:29, edited 1 time in total.
-
Ольга Лагуза
- Posts:489
- Joined:Fri Apr 01, 2016 22:19
- Has thanked: 22 times
- Been thanked: 7 times
Re: Humor
The mites somewhere in the area of the head is something like legs, which it pushes the fabric something to stick. The picture is something like this...he's like a deer...so here you are, reindeer...АндрейКо wrote:by the Way - like the tick should be 8 legs, not 6 - it turns out a bug somehow...
Re: Humor
Classic..... 
Went to Hell American, Indian and Russian. The Devil met them and said:
- Anyone who enters here, give the chance to go to Heaven.
And gets a hefty whip (more than Harrison Ford in the "Last
crusade"):
- Who can endure three strokes not cried - go! Unable to defend themselves than
want.
The first American left.
- Oh come on!
The American took a healthy granite stone:
- I'm ready!
The devil swung the first time and... the stone to smithereens. The second time, and
the American screamed like mad...
- No way.
Goes Hindu.
It's just too risky?
- Nothing! - the Hindu answers, - I'm 80 years practiced yoga and meditation
the body feels no pain!
- Okay.
The first blow. Indian: - OSS...
The second strike. Indian: - OSS...
The third blow. Indian: - OSS...
- Wow e# yours... no one can withstand the three strikes. no way. - Well
well, you're free, can go to Heaven.
"No," said the Indian, - do you want to stay and watch. All jokes
the Russian win. I want to see it this time out.
- All right, stay. Well, what I think to defend themselves? - drawn to Fuck
Russian.
- Than to defend a Hindu, of course...
Went to Hell American, Indian and Russian. The Devil met them and said:
- Anyone who enters here, give the chance to go to Heaven.
And gets a hefty whip (more than Harrison Ford in the "Last
crusade"):
- Who can endure three strokes not cried - go! Unable to defend themselves than
want.
The first American left.
- Oh come on!
The American took a healthy granite stone:
- I'm ready!
The devil swung the first time and... the stone to smithereens. The second time, and
the American screamed like mad...
- No way.
Goes Hindu.
It's just too risky?
- Nothing! - the Hindu answers, - I'm 80 years practiced yoga and meditation
the body feels no pain!
- Okay.
The first blow. Indian: - OSS...
The second strike. Indian: - OSS...
The third blow. Indian: - OSS...
- Wow e# yours... no one can withstand the three strikes. no way. - Well
well, you're free, can go to Heaven.
"No," said the Indian, - do you want to stay and watch. All jokes
the Russian win. I want to see it this time out.
- All right, stay. Well, what I think to defend themselves? - drawn to Fuck
Russian.
- Than to defend a Hindu, of course...
-
Ольга Лагуза
- Posts:489
- Joined:Fri Apr 01, 2016 22:19
- Has thanked: 22 times
- Been thanked: 7 times
Re: Humor
Zadornov now on TV says:
American in the store, the saleswoman says
-give me chicken milk
-this does not exist, she says.
why? asks the American.
because chicken has no udder, says the saleswoman
American thinking says
-the coconut is also no udder.
to which she answered him
Coco already has an udder
American
-the udder what?
Palma. responsible saleswoman
American in the store, the saleswoman says
-give me chicken milk
-this does not exist, she says.
why? asks the American.
because chicken has no udder, says the saleswoman
American thinking says
-the coconut is also no udder.
to which she answered him
Coco already has an udder
American
-the udder what?
Palma. responsible saleswoman
