V. Perelygin. The books I read.

Reading and discussing books.
User avatar
Posts: 681
Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 19:11
Location: Север
Has thanked: 251 times
Been thanked: 110 times

Post by Малика » Sun Jan 02, 2011 23:51


User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Tue Jan 04, 2011 16:40

The best way to absorb information is to try to briefly explain it to others. :) Continue to study the picture of the world by Stephen R. Covey book "Seven habits of highly effective people".

"Skill 1. Be proactive. Pleaded programmer own life program.

We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We don't even have our thoughts. The fact that we are able to think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness encourages us to step back "and assess even the way we ourselves "see" - our paradigm of ourselves."

Unlike animals that follow the REACTIVE model: "stimulus -> reaction" (to a certain stimulus a certain programmed reaction) a Person can follow a PROACTIVE model: "stimulus -> freedom of choice -> response = f (self-awareness, imagination, conscience, independent will)". Choosing our response to circumstance, we would seriously affect the circumstances. Changing of the chemical formula, we completely change the nature of its outcome.

Reactive people are often depending on the environmental conditions. Proactive people carry their own weather.
Pain gives us is not what happens, but our attitude to what is happening.
To act himself or to be the subject of impact? More and more people convince themselves in their own determinism and create evidence that supports this belief. They increasingly feel themselves as victims, unable to control the situation and not responsible for his life and destiny. They are in everything that happens to them, blame outside forces - other people, circumstances and even the stars.

Inside our "Circle of care" features a "Circle of our influence". The jet people it is minimal, and proactive it tends to a maximum.
The circle of Concerns is filled with various "must have". The circle of Influence is filled with all sorts of "to be" - I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. Here the focus falls on the character. Whenever we think that the problem is "somewhere", the idea is the problem. We allow what is outside of us "out there somewhere" - to control us.
If I really want to rectify the situation, I'll work on the only thing that I can control over himself.
"God, give me the courage to change the things I can and should change, humility to accept what cannot be changed and wisdom to distinguish one from the other."
Our behavior is driven by our principles. Living in harmony with the principles brings positive consequences, while violating them is negative. We are free to choose their response, but in doing it, we choose that this reaction will follow. "Holding up the stick at one end, we raise another."

Taking on and fulfilling obligations, even if very small, we begin to create your inner core, which helps us to realize that we have the self-control, courage and strength to take on even more responsibility for our own life. Giving yourself or others the promises and fulfilling them, we gradually make our honor was above our moods.
Not refer to the faults of others. Don't rationalize your shortcomings. If you make a mistake, admit it, correct, extract from the lesson - and immediately. Do not blame, do not confront. Work over what is in your power. Work on yourself. Work to be." :ay<

Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2010 13:24

Post by Карапуз » Tue Jan 04, 2011 18:06

Oh, by the way. These principles could be dispensed with GPPS. To find the episode where it was not possible to observe any principle, and work through it. Either a lot of episodes. So will form your own personal code, or the core of personality :)

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Wed Jan 05, 2011 19:30

"Skill 2. Begin by picturing the end goal. Write and adjust your life program.

That means starting with a clear understanding of their life purpose, understand what you are trying to get a better idea of where you are in the moment, and every step be done in the right direction.

Incredibly easy to fall into the trap of activity in the cycle of Affairs and events, more and more effort consuming to climb up the ladder of success - and then to realize that this ladder is not leaned against the wall.
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. From control effect on performance when climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the oversight of the wall ladder. Often we jump into management, set and achieve goals, even before you clarify your own values.

We already exist among many of the scenarios received from the outside. If we are able to recognize the ineffective scripts, and inaccurate or incomplete paradigms within us, we can proactively begin to rewrite themselves again.

The most effective way I know how to start, representing the ultimate goal is to develop the conditions of a personal mission or personal philosophy, or credo. This method focuses on what you want to be (character) and what you want to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values and principles underlying being and doing.

Many of the so-called mental and nervous diseases are actually symptoms of a subconscious feeling of futility and emptiness. Logotherapy eliminates that emptiness by helping people identify their unique purpose, your life mission.

In order to make the provisions of the personal mission, we must start from the center of our Circle of Influence where our main paradigm is the prism through which we see the world around us.

Here are 4 vital factors: Safety, Focus, Wisdom and Power.
The extent to which you managed to develop each of these factors:
1.Your inner security lies between the extreme insecurity (when your life is under constant attacks from external forces, which twirl her as they wish), and a strong sense of self-esteem and confidence.
2.Your inner focus is between the dependence on the social mirror or other unstable factors on the one hand, and a strong internal focus on the other.
3.Your wisdom is located between a totally inaccurate map where everything is mixed up and all wrong and a complete and accurate map of life where all the parts and all the principles properly interact with each other.
4.Your power lies between inaction, the state of puppet that someone is pulling the strings, and a high degree of Pro-activity, the inner strength to act in accordance with their own values.
The development of these factors, their integration, harmony and balance, and their positive impact on all aspects of your life - all this is a function of your center, your core paradigms that are at the very core of your being.

Often people in the Circle of concerns and influences do not put the principles and the specific object (one or more centers of your life). And then Your life support factors: Security, Focus, Wisdom and Power depend entirely on well-being in these centers.
For example:
In the center – spouse. Sense of security depends on how spouse treats you. Benchmarks are determined by the desires and needs of your and your spouse. Your Outlook is limited to what can positively or negatively influence your spouse or your relationship with him. Your power to act is limited by weaknesses in your spouse.

In the center is money. Sense of security is determined by your income. You are vulnerable to anything that threatens your physical well-being. Targets with maximum profit. All your wisdom is making money. The power is limited by the fact that you can buy.

In the centre can be - Work, Possession of property, Pleasure, Friend, Enemy, Church, yourself.
Constant movement from one center to another like riding on a roller coaster. While there can be no sustainable domestic orientation, there is no constancy of wisdom, nothing to maintain power, no sense of dignity and wholeness of personality.

Putting in the Center of our lives correct principles, we create a solid Foundation for the development of the four life-supporting factors. Principles don't respond to anything. They are not angry and do not begin to treat us differently. They won't divorce us or run away with our best friend They don't climb out of the skin to get us. They offer us quick fixes and hasty conclusions. They do not depend on the behavior of other people, circumstances and momentary whims. Principles do not die. They don't disappear the next day. They do not burn in the fire, not killed by earthquakes, they cannot have stolen.

Each of us has in his life a few different roles - they are associated with different areas or activities for which we are responsible. You can constantly monitor, do not carried away you any one role at the expense of others. You can think about long-term goals that I would like to achieve in each role.

The process of writing purifies, crystallizes and clarifies thought and helps break the whole into parts.

Skill 1 says, "are You a programmer", Skill 2 says "Write the program". :roll:<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Fri Jan 07, 2011 13:06

By the way, as routines you can use affirmations and affirmatsii, but will continue the conversation with Steven Covey.

"Here is an example of the subroutine (approver setup = principle) from "Provision of Personal Mission" as one of my fundamental values:
Good approving the installation includes five basic ingredients: it's personal, she's positive, she uses verbs in the present tense, it is visual and emotional.
So I could write something like this: "it gives Me great satisfaction (emotional) that I (personal) with wisdom, love, firmness and self-control (positive) respond (present tense) the misdeeds of their children".

Now I can represent it visually. And if I do that, my behavior will start day by day to change. Instead of living according to the scripts handed to me by my parents or society, or genes, or environment, I am going to live by the script that I wrote from my own, I have chosen a system of values.

If you present yourself the wrong way, and wrong. Almost all world-class athletes and other people who achieve outstanding results, have the ability to visualize. They see, they feel, they "live" situation, before They begin to act, representing the ultimate goal.
The approver setting and visualization are forms of programming, and we need to be absolutely sure that you do not submit a program that is not in harmony with our basic center or comes from sources centered on money, on self-interest or on anything other than from true principles."

The role and purpose structure your Personal Mission and define its direction. If you have not yet developed their Regulations Personal Mission, is to start with roles and goals. A simple definition of the various spheres of your life and in each of them two or three most important results you need to achieve in order to move forward, before you open the shared vision of your life and indicate the direction of development.

Not only individuals, but families and groups are much more effective if they "start, representing the ultimate goal."

The core of any family is what never changes, what you can always turn: a shared vision and common values. Developing the Mission of the family, you articulate its fundamental basis.
This Mission becomes the Constitution of the family, the norm, the criterion for making judgments and decisions. The mission not only sets the direction of development, but also contributes to the long life of the family and its unity. When individual values are in harmony with the values of the family, its members working together to implement common goals that they are deeply divided.

The mission of the organization, if it really reflects shared by every member of the organization vision and values, creates a great unity and an extraordinary sense of commitment. It creates in the minds and hearts of people such a basis, a set of criteria or guidelines, based on which they will govern themselves. They don't need that someone else directed, controlled, chastised them or put on the honor roll. They feel those constant values which constitute the essence, the core of the organization."

Skill 3. First, do what you need to do first. Follow the program of Your life.

Skill 1 says: "You are the Creator. You are responsible for everything". It is based on four unique properties of human - imagination, conscience, independent will and, especially, to consciousness. It gives us the opportunity to say: "the Program, which since my childhood I received in with your social mirror, will not do. I don't like this inefficient scenario. I am capable of change".
Skill 2 is a MENTAL creation. It is based on imagination - the ability to anticipate, to imagine the possible, to create in the mind what is at the moment impossible to see, and conscience - the ability to determine your personality and the personal, moral and ethical standards based on which, we can achieve the most complete self-realization. This skill provides a reliable contact with our basic paradigms and values and the vision of who we can become.
Habit 3 is the PHYSICAL creation. It is the realization, the implementation, the natural consequence of the Skills 1 and 2. This exercise INDEPENDENT WILL to become man, in character-based on the principles. It's a constant, day by day, minute by minute, the embodiment of this intention.
Successful people have the skill to do what losers don't like to do. Successful people do not necessarily like to do it, but they subordinate their feelings to the strength of their purpose".

Our time is allocated between qualified two categories: URGENCY and IMPORTANCE. This so-called squares matrix of time management.

1. Urgent, Important, critical situation, pressing problems projects with a "burning" period of performance.
2. Non-urgent, Important, preventive actions, maintenance of PC, creating relationships, finding new opportunities, planning, recreation.
3. Urgent, not important: distraction, some phone calls some mail, some reports, some meetings, upcoming urgent matters, common types of activities.
4. Non-urgent, Unimportant: trivia time-consuming, correspondence, phone calls, a waste of time, an idle pastime

If we do not practice Навык2, we have no clear idea about what is important about the results we want to achieve in life, and we can easily go to the urgent.
And very often they are unimportant!

People Square 1(the crisis managers). It is getting more and more, until, until you cover you entirely, like a huge wave. The result: Stress, self-Immolation, Management in crisis conditions, the Constant fire, and "the eternal battle".

People square 3. A large part of their time reacting to urgent, considering that it is also important. But in reality, the urgency of these cases are often based on the priorities and expectations of others. The result: Concentration on short-term. Management in crisis conditions. The reputation of a chameleon. The idea of the meaninglessness of goals and plans. The sense of victimization, not owning him. Weak or broken relationships.

People effective staying away from Squares 3 and 4 because, urgent or not - they are not important. In addition, effective people reduce the size of the Square 1, spending more time in Square 2. This is the heart of effective personal management It is that is not urgent but is important. It includes activities such as building relationships, writing personal mission, long-term planning, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation - all those things that we consider necessary but which rarely force ourselves to undertake because they are not urgent.

The center of the Square 2 is a paradigm based on the principles. If the center of your life is your spouse, your money, your friends, your pleasures, your work, yourself, your enemy or any other external factor, then you will always pull back to Squares 1 and 3, you will react to external forces that make up the center of your life.

Many people tend to think that success in one area of life can compensate for failure in others. It is possible that something for a while and capable. But can your professional success, money, pleasure, friends to compensate for the breakdown of the marriage, ruined health, or weakness of character? True effectiveness requires balance, and your tool should help you to create and maintain. You have to submit the plans to the people. Your instrument should reflect this value and to contribute to its implementation, not to cause feelings of guilt when there is deviation from the plan associated with the intervention of the human dimension. Your planning tool should be your servant, but in any case not the landlord.<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Sat Jan 08, 2011 18:54

"Practicing the first 3 skill, we will achieve Personal Victory and move from dependence to independence on the axis of maturity, but the interdependence and the Public Victory requires further work (skills 4 – 7).

Many years of living with chronic pain caused by lack of vision, leadership or management in our personal lives. We feel a vague discomfort and restlessness, and sometimes taken some steps to at least temporarily stop the pain.
However, it should be problems in relations with other people, as we begin to experience a really severe suffering, which passionately wish to get rid of. Then we attempted to treat the symptoms, using tools from the Arsenal of the Ethics of Personality - like a social band-AIDS or aspirin.
It is impossible to achieve success in relations with other people without paying the necessary price for success in the relationship with yourself. And if our words and our actions are based more on superficial human relations techniques (the Personality Ethic), and not on our inner self (Ethics of Nature), the surrounding feels false. May not be fruitless if there are no roots.
Personal Victory precedes Public Victory. First algebra, then differential calculus.

Independence is an achievement. Interdependence is a choice that can only be done by independent people.
In an interdependent situation, the Golden eggs is the effectiveness, the wonderful synergy and results, generated by open communication and positive interaction with other people. And to get these eggs regularly, we have to take care of the goose. We should create and cherish relations which make these results real.

Emotional Bank Account (ABS) - a metaphor for the level of trust that has been achieved in relations between people.
When I through respectful, kind and honest attitude to you and through the fulfilment of their obligations contribute to our ABS, I'm creating a reserve. Your trust in me increases, and if necessary, I can re-use this trust.
But if I tend to disrespect, be rude to cut you annoyed with sex trafficking, ignore you, judge your actions or to abuse your trust, threatening you, or build from a sort of idol, on which depends your life, gradually, my ABS runs out.

Our most constant relationships, such as marriage, children, friends - we require constant investment.
Suppose you have a teenage son and, as a rule, you are talking to him as follows: "Clean the room! Button up your shirt! Turn off the radio! Go cut your hair! And don't forget to take out the trash!" After some time of withdrawal far exceed your investment.
Creating and building relationships take a long time. If you are not getting the desired response or gratitude, you show impatience, then you will produce a huge withdrawal from your Account, which would nullify all the good that you had to do "After all we've done for you, after all the sacrifices we brought in, how can you be so ungrateful? We wanted this to be good, and you behave like this! The mind boggles!"

I would like to mention the main contributions that replenish your ABS.
1.The understanding of man.
You need to understand the other person as you yourself would like to be understood, and then to treat him in accordance with this understanding. The fact that you yourself seem to be a contribution may not be regarded as a contribution the other person. It can even be regarded as a withdrawal if does not affect the underlying interests and human needs.

2. The attention to detail.
Small courtesies and good, caring relationships are very important to increase the ABS. Conversely, even small acts of incivility, unkindness and disrespect can turn into significant withdrawal. In relations between people trifles are not trifles.

3. The implementation of the commitments.
The commitments or promises - a very important contribution to ABS. Conversely, the breach of promise is the most destructive with the removal of ABS
People tend to build their hopes on the basis of their promises, especially if they relate to vital issues.
And then if your child wants to do something from your point of view should not be done, because the height of your life experience you anticipate, the consequences of which he does not know, you can just tell him:
- Son, if you do it that way, I promise you that the result will be like this. If the child used to believe your words, he'll listen to your advice.

4. Clarification of expectations.
Cause of almost all the difficulties encountered in relationships, lies in the inconsistency or uncertainty of expectations with respect to roles and goals. Expectations are often hidden. People can not articulate, not to Express openly and, however, use them in certain situations.
Opening and clarification of existing expectations from the beginning is a good contribution to the relationship. This will require the first stage to spend some time and I effort, but the investment will result in considerable savings of both. If expectations are not clear and are not separated, then emotions get involved and a simple misunderstanding grows into a considerable and leads to a clash of personalities and relationships.
Sometimes to clarify expectations requires great courage. It is much easier to act as if no difference exists, and hope that things will work out, than to face the truth and work together to develop a consistent set of expectations.

5. The manifestation of the whole personality
Lack of integrity can undermine almost any effort to create ABS. If you are by nature two-faced, you can strive to understand the other person, to pay attention to the details, keep promises, clarify and fulfill the expectations, but you did not manage to accumulate the desired reserve trust.
Integrity includes honesty, but it goes beyond this concept. To be honest - to speak the truth, to ensure that our words reality. To be whole is to ensure the conformity of reality to our words i.e. keeping promises and expectations. This requires a solid character and unity, mainly with himself, but also with the reality of life.
One of the most important manifestations of integrity is loyalty to the absent. Defending those who are absent, you gain the trust of those present.
In person I say nice things, and behind the slander. This is the essence of duplicity. Does that create a reserve of trust in my Account in a relationship with you?
You can get as Golden eggs temporary satisfaction from the fact that discredit someone or give information, is not for everyone, but at the same time you will strangle the goose to undermine the relationship that could bring you much joy in the future.
In addition, integrity means abandoning a relationship filled with deception, treachery or degrading. According to one definition, "a lie is any communication with intent to deceive".

6. Offering a sincere apology when withdrawing from the account.
If we made a withdrawal from the Emotional Bank Account, we should apologize and do it sincerely. Large deposits are made sincere confessions:
- I was wrong.
- I'm being rude.
- I have shown you disrespect.
- I offended you and sorry about this.
I put you in an awkward position in front of your friends.
- I'm not supposed to say that.
- Please forgive me.
So with all your heart, and not just out of pity, to ask forgiveness requires great strength of character. To apologize really, you need composure and a deep sense of internal security based on the fundamental principles and values.
Sincere apologies are deposits. The duplicate apology perceived as insincere, leading to the withdrawal.

7. The laws of love and laws of life.
When our contribution is unconditional love, when we live the primary laws of love, we encourage others to live according to the fundamental laws of life. In other words, if we truly, unconditionally and hidden thoughts love others, we help others to feel protected, calm and dignified, we are strengthening their faith in themselves, in their individuality and the wholeness of his personality.
But when we break the basic laws of love - when we make this gift with a load of hidden thoughts and conditions then we encourage others to violate the basic laws of life. We put others in a reactive, defensive position where they feel the need to prove "I matter; I am independent of you." Therefore, only one possible solution: make deposits - constant unconditional love." :ay<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Tue Jan 11, 2011 16:33

"No matter what your position - President of the company or the janitor, when the transition from independence to interdependence, you enter into the role of leader. You find yourself in the position of a person affect other people. And the interpersonal skill of leadership is

Skill 4 - Think in the spirit of "I win and You win".

There are 6 paradigms of human interactions:

1. "I win and You win" is a particular attitude of heart and mind, focused on the constant search for mutual benefit in all human interactions with each other. Means that all the agreements and solutions are mutually beneficial, satisfy both sides, and committed to the adopted plan of action. This decision is not yours and not mine - is the best solution, the solution of higher order. Life is an arena for cooperation and not rivalry.
It is impossible to realize in his life the installation of winning, if we do not have clear understanding about what this money is and how it harmonizes with our deepest values.
And the cornerstone of this Foundation must be integrity. It may be different: the balance of personal power and empathy, the balance of confidence and respect for others, the balance of concern for people and concern for task "I'm okay - you're okay". While courage focuses on getting the Golden eggs, sensitivity cares about the long-term well-being of those who helps to get these eggs.
On the basis of the agreement "Win/ Win" between family members can be assigned household duties, which will save parents from having to constantly nag and give them the opportunity to do what can only do they.

2. "I won and You lost" - Most people are programmed in the spirit of this mentality from birth. When one child is compared to others when patience, understanding and love are dosed depending on this comparison, depending on the circumstances and want to earn, one gets the hidden message that he, himself, value is not and love is not worth it. Value is not in it, the value there is outside. It lies in comparison with someone else or with some expectations, but life is a big zero-sum game, where if you win some other lose.
The mentality of "Won/Lost" is not viable because, although I seem to be winning in the clash with you hurt are your feelings, your attitude to me and our relationship. For example, if I'm the provider your company has won, he insisted on his conditions in the negotiations with you, today I will get what I want. But if you contact me next time? If you do not want again to deal with me, my short term "Win" will actually result in long-term "Lost". Thus, in the long run in terms of interdependence install "Won/Lost" becomes "Lose/Lose".

3. "I lose, You win" is worse than "Won/Lost" because it has no standards, no demands, no expectations, no ideas about the future. Usually willing to please or appease. They draw strength from their popularity with other people or approving of their actions. They lack the courage to Express their own feelings and beliefs, and they easily fall under the influence of strong personalities. Strong like someone else's weakness, as it enables them to gain an advantage. The weakness of the weak makes the strong even stronger.
But the problem is that people with the mindset of "Lost/Won" many feelings buried, buried in the ground. And unexpressed feelings never die: being buried alive, they manifest later in much more terrible shape. Accumulated negative emotions, deep disappointment and disillusionment often turn into psychosomatic diseases.

4. "I lost, but You lost" - When two people agree with the installation of "Won/ Lost" - that is, interact with two strong, stubborn, selfish nature, the inevitable result of the "Lost/Lost". Lose both. Both will become vindictive and want to "get even or settle scores".
Some people are so concentrated on the image of the enemy, become to such an extent is obsessed with the other person's behavior that there were no longer anything except the desire to make this man lose, even if it means their own loss. Is the philosophy of a highly dependent person deprived of the internal orientation, of a person unfortunate, who believes that everyone else should be miserable.

5. "I won". People with the mentality "Win" does not necessarily want anyone to lose. For them it doesn't matter. And the value for them is that they got what they want. When in competition and dispute, there is no meaning, setting the "Win" is probably the most common approach in everyday negotiation. People with the mentality of "I Won" thinks in terms of protection of their interests, letting others take care of their own.

6. "Or I won and You won or Not to get involved", in fact, means that if we are not able to find a solution that suits us both, we agree to waive agreements and to remain in harmony with each other - this is "Not to Communicate". There are no expectations, not prepared any contracts. I'm not taking you to work or we do not subscribe to mutual obligations, since it is obvious that our values and our goals are fundamentally different. It is much better to realize this in the beginning, and not later, when both parties will feel frustrated from the fact that their expectations were not realized.

The agreements "Win/Win" pronounced the following five elements:
1. Desired results (not methods!) determine what needs to be done and when.
2. Rules define the parameters (principles, policies, etc.) under which must be achieved.
3. Resources determine what can be positioned to assist to get results. This refers to the necessary human, financial, technical resources or organizational support.
4. Accountability sets performance standards and terms assessment.
5. Consequences determine what will happen - good or bad - as a result of the assessment.
The presence of these five elements allows the agreement a "Win/Win" to live an independent life.
Achieved in all five areas of mutual understanding and agreement creates a standard against which people can measure their own success.

So often it turns out that the problem in the system not the people! If you put good people in bad system, you will get bad results. The principle of "Win/Win", it must support all the systems. The training system, planning system, communication system, financial system, information system, payroll - everything they need to be based on the principle of "Win/Win". :ay<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Thu Jan 13, 2011 15:24

"Skill 5 – seek First to understand, then to be understood.
Usually we strive to first understand us. Most people listen not with the intent to understand but with the intent to reply. They are either talking or preparing to talk. They are all filtered through your paradigm. They are in the lives of other people read their biography.
— Oh, know very well what you feel!
With me happened the same. Listen here to how it was.
These people are constantly projecting their own vision on the behavior of others. To prescribe their own glasses for everyone with whom you interact.
We "listen", as a rule, on one level.
1. We can ignore the speaker, not to listen to him at all.
2. We can pretend to listen: "yeah! Yes! So-so!"
3. We may listen selectively, picking out from a conversation only the individual parts.
4. We can listen carefully, concentrating, focusing on spoken words.
5. But few of us ever use the fifth level, the highest form of listening - empathic listening - which allows you to see things from the other person into his system of ideas, you understand how he feels.

Empathetic listening is a powerful force, as it gives us accurate data for the action. Instead of trying to impose their biographical experiences, their opinions, thoughts, feelings, motives and interpretation, you are dealing with the reality of living in the mind and heart of another person. You listen to understand. You are on the perception of information coming from the depths of the soul of another person.

After the survival of physical the next greatest human need is to psychological survival –
the desire to be understood, to earn the respect of others, to take its rightful position, to be appreciated, to be recognized.

Listening to another person with empathy, you give him psychological oxygen. :ay
And to the satisfaction of this vital need, you can then focus on influencing that person or on the solution to the problem.

Empathetic listening is risky. Need to feel very confident to dive in the hearing of another person, as you are open to influence. You become vulnerable. In a sense, is a paradox. As to influence, first you need to be under the influence. That's why Skills 1, 2 and 3 are fundamental. They create cannot change the inner core of the person - the centre, consisting of principles based on which you can not be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. 8)

You will never be able to look inside another person and see the world through his eyes, while I sincerely do not want this until you develop a strong character, yet increase your Emotional Bank Account and until you master the technique of empathic listening.
1. The first and least efficient stage is the repetition of content. This technique is taught in the classroom for "active" or "reflective" listening. You simply repeated what was said. You are evaluated, not tortured, not advised and not interpreted. You have demonstrated attention to his words.

2. The second stage is the paraphrase of the content. This technique is slightly more efficient but still limited to what is related to only verbal communication. This time you think about what was said, using the left, logical hemisphere of the brain.

3. In the third stage, turn on your right brain. You reflect feeling. Now you don't so much pay attention to what he says, how much of what he feels.

4. The fourth stage combines the second and third. You perefraziruete content and reflect feelings. You use both hemispheres of your brain to understand both sides appeal to you.
Something incredible occurs. As you sincerely seek to understand, because you perefraziruete content and reflect feeling, you give the person psychological oxygen. In addition, you help him to sort out my thoughts and feelings. As it increases confidence in your sincere desire to listen and understand, the barrier between what happens inside him, and what he tells you is crumbling. Open a channel of communication between your souls. There is no difference between what he thinks and feels and what he tells you. He begins to trust you with their innermost feelings and thoughts.

As everything changes with true understanding! No advice - even the most valuable and good - not worth a penny if we got to the real problem. And we will never be able to reach her if we will be a prisoner of his own biography and their own paradigms, if not take off his glasses to look at the world from the point of view of another person.

But even having the right to Council, you must remain sensitive to the reaction of the interlocutor. While its a replica of the response is based on logic, you can effectively ask questions and give advice. But as soon as the reaction becomes emotional, you have to go back to empathic listening.

When people are given a real opportunity to open, they are in the process of communication - often unravel their own problems and find their solutions.
When people get hurt and you listen to them with a genuine desire to understand, it's amazing how quickly they open in front of you! They want it. Children need opportunities to open up, and more to parents than to peers. And they open, if they feel that parents will love their unconditional love and after these confessions do not condemn them and will not laugh at them.

Technique is an important part of any skill. We should be able to. But if you are insincere, not even worth trying. This may cause due to your openness and vulnerability of another person for you to turn a bad consequences when he realizes that you don't really care about you and listen to something not particularly wanted, and he opened the heart and opened soul and was spat upon. Technique - the tip of the iceberg - must have a strong Foundation in character.

In order to understand, it is necessary to consider another point of view.
In order to be understood requires courage.
Thinking in the spirit of "Win/Win" implies a high degree of development of both these qualities.
Most people when expressing their views speaks directly to the logic of their left hemisphere.
These people are trying to convince others of the validity of its logic, not having before it the proper his personal reliability of other faith in your integrity and competence in the reliability of your Emotional Bank Account, and that you are on an emotional wave sent by the other person.

Expressing their thoughts clearly, specifically, visually and most importantly, in relevant contexts, in the context of a deep understanding of the paradigms and interests of other people, you greatly increase their level of confidence in their ideas.
You are fixated on his and not let the bubble of rhetoric. You know for real. What you are reporting now, it may even be different from your original ideas because you tried to understand, to learn something new. You went to school.

5 skill increases the clarity and credibility to present your ideas. And people see it. They see that you represent the ideas in which they themselves deeply believe, take into consideration all the known facts and judgment and care for the General benefit.<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Sat Jan 15, 2011 12:57

"Skill 6 – Achieve synergy.

If you link together two wooden boards, they will withstand a load considerably exceeding the sum of their capabilities individually. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The essence of synergy is to value differences - to respect them, to build on strengths and compensate for weaknesses.

Many people have never experienced even a moderate synergy or in their family life or other relationships. They've been trained and programmed to defensive or patronizing communication or grew up with the belief that no one can be trusted.
This is one of the greatest tragedies and losses in life, as completely undeveloped, unused and unclaimed remains huge potential. Ineffective people live day after day, not using their potential.

The levels of communication.
1. The lowest level of communication that occurs in situations of low trust is characterised by the desire to defend and formal pedantic language, describing all possible situations and escape routes in case things go bad. Such communication produces only a situation of the type "Won/Lost" or "Lost/ Won". Such communication is ineffective, since there is no P/PC balance and it creates new reasons for departure on the defensive.

2. The middle position is respectful communication. This is the level at which to interact sufficiently Mature. They respect each other and try to avoid situations of confrontation.
They communicate politely but without empathy. They are able to understand each other mind, while not particularly delving into the paradigms and assumptions underlying the position of partner and not opening up to new possibilities. In interdependent situations compromise is a common phenomenon. Compromise means that 1+1=1,5. Reciprocal concession. In this communication there's no tension, aggression or intent to manipulate. This honest and respectful communication, devoid, however, of creativity and synergy. It leads to a low form of "Win/Win".

3. A high level of synergy means 1 + 1 may equal 8, 16 or even 1600. Synergistically the level of communication, mutual trust, allows to obtain solutions better than those originally proposed. Both sides know it. Moreover, they get the real pleasure of joint creativity. Formed a kind of self-sufficient and satisfying mini-culture. Even when it continues for long, the presence of P/PC balance is not in doubt.

Insecure people think that the reality must adapt to their paradigms. They feel a great need to assimilate the other to itself, to impose their own style of thinking. These people do not understand that all power relations is the existence of a different point of view. Sameness is not consent; uniformity is not unity. Unity (or accord) is complementarity, not sameness. Sameness does not stimulate creativity, and generates... boredom. The essence of synergy is to value differences.

Why do I need to pay attention to someone who clearly goes the wrong way? My paradigm tells me that I am objective; I see the world for what it is. Everyone else is focused on the details, the particulars, and I see the whole picture.
If my paradigm is that I will never be effectively interdependent, or even effectively independent person. I'll be limited by the paradigms of their own pre-programmed.

A truly efficient person has enough humility and respect for others, to recognize the limits of their own perception and to appreciate the rich opportunities open to them through interaction with the hearts and minds of other people This person values the differences because those differences add to its knowledge about the surrounding reality. Relying only on own experiences, we constantly suffer from a lack of information.

And when I am convinced that we perceive something different, I say, "wow! You see it differently! Help me see what you see".
Thus, I not only expand your horizons, I get you strengthen in your mind. I give you a psychological oxygen. I neutralize that negative energy you could channel to defend their position. I create the conditions for synergy.

You are able to preserve their internal synergy, even in a hostile environment. You must not perceive the attack as a personal insult. You are able to evade the perception of negative energy. You are able to see the good in others and to use it is good to clarify their perspective and expand their view of things.

If you see only two options - and your wrong, you are able to start looking for third alternatives. A third alternative exists almost always, and if you act in accord with the philosophy of "Win/Win" and really seek to understand, then, as a rule, you can find a solution for all would be best." :ay<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Mon Jan 17, 2011 20:16

"Skill of 7. Sharpen the saw. The principles of balanced self-renewal.

Man, bitterly, the last effort cutting down a tree with a blunt saw. He said:
- Why don't you pause for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?
- I have no time to sharpen the saw! I need to saw!

Skill 7 is your PERSONAL resources(your PC, your saw). It maintains and develops your most valuable resource - you. It updates the four dimensions of your nature: physical, spiritual, intellectual and socio-emotional.
The principle of "sharpen the saw" requires consideration of all four dimensions. It means that we should regularly and consistently to develop them in the most reasonable and balanced manner

Our PC is located in the centre of our Circle of Influence, and no one but us will be able to ensure their development. We must try for ourselves.
This is the best, the biggest investment we ever make in life. It's an investment in ourselves.
We have to put pressure on myself as long as the activity in Квадрате2 (non-urgent, but important) not to turn us into useful habit - skill.
Physical dimension provides effective care of your physical condition, eating the right food, adequate rest, regular exercise.
You can perform a full exercise program at home. This programme is designed to develop your body endurance, flexibility and strength.
1. Endurance is achieved through effective training of the cardiovascular system, the ability of your heart to pump blood throughout the body. Ideally, you should try to raise the heart rate, at least up to 60% of your maximum rate. The maximum rate is usually derived by subtracting your age from 220. Thus, if you are 40, you should aim to stress that increases the heart rate to 108 beats per minute (220 - 40 = 180; 180 x 0.6 = 108). "Training effect" usually occurs with increasing heart rate in a 72 - 87 % of your maximum heart rate.
2. Flexibility is achieved through stretching. Before training the muscles relax and warm up in preparation for intense exercise. After class stretching helps to dissipate lactic acid so that muscle was not felt pain and tension.
3. Strength comes through exercise on muscle resistance, a simple gymnastic exercises, push-UPS, pull-UPS, squats and exercises with loads.
If I want to pump strength, and it only happens when muscle tissue "breaks" and the nerves register pain. Then nature starts the process over compensation, and in 48 hours the muscles become stronger.
The same principle applies to emotional muscles, for example, for patience. If you have patience beyond measure, the emotional fiber "breaks", then the nature over compensates for this violation, and the next time a patience threshold is higher.

In developing its programme of exercise we need to exercise common sense. People not previously engaged in exercise, there is a tendency to give a too big load. This leads to unnecessary pain, injury and even chronic ailments. It is best to start slowly.
First, you your load may not like. You might even hate these classes. But be proactive. Continue to comply with them. Gradually your heart rate at rest will decrease as your heart and respiratory system will work more efficiently.
Perhaps the greatest benefit that you will gain from their exercises, will be the development of your muscles of being proactive from a Skill 1. This has a serious impact on your paradigm of yourself, your self esteem, your sense of self-confidence and integrity to your personality.

the Spiritual dimension is your core, your center, your commitment to your value system, It is a very personal and at the same time very important sphere of life. It is fed by springs, inspiring and uplifting you, connecting you with the eternal truths of mankind. And every person is updating its spiritual dimension in their own way.
Some people are like spiritual renewal can experience under the influence of the great literary or musical works. Someone finds this update in communion with nature. Nature shares his grace with those who are able to merge with it.
The idea is that if we dedicate time thinking about the meaning of life, the ultimate goal of our existence, all that we derive from these reflections, like an umbrella over all others reveals our works. It renews and refreshes us, particularly if we return again and again to this process.
That is why I believe the provisions of the personal mission (Skill 2) are so important. When we deeply understand the essence of its centre and its purpose, we can often turn to them to maintain their commitment to implementation of the inherent principles. In your daily spiritual renewal, we can visualize themselves and "live" the events of the day in harmony with the values which have set for ourselves.
And you will find that the public victories - where you aim to cooperate, care about the welfare of others and genuinely rejoice in their successes - just come by themselves.

Intelligent measurement - achieved mainly at the expense of traditional formal education. However, after graduating from school or College, most of us stop caring about the development of his intellect and allows him to gradually atrophy. We don't read serious books, we are not discovering anything new that would be beyond our professional interests, we cease to think analytically, we cease to write, anyway, so that you can test your ability to Express thoughts clearly and concisely. Instead, we spend all of our time watching TV.
Like our body, television is a good servant but a bad master. We need to practice habit 3 and to govern themselves effectively, to maximize use of all resources in order to implement its mission.
The ability to evaluate the program of his life in comparison with higher values, and goals, as well as with other paradigms, is the essence of liberal education. That is why it is so important to read the literature on a wide range of issues and maintain correspondence contact with great thinkers.
You can chat with the best minds of the past and present. I highly recommend to start with setting a goal to read one book a month, then two weeks, then a week. "He who does not read, no better than someone who can't read".
Quality literature can expand our paradigms and sharpen our intellectual saw, especially if we use Skill 5 and reading, first seek to understand. If we instead truly understand the meaning of the author, based on his own autobiography and make hasty judgments, thus we limit the benefits that could obtain from reading.
Another powerful way to sharpen the Intellectual saw this letter. Keeping a journal where you record your thoughts, ideas and discoveries, promotes clarity, accuracy and completeness of your thinking.

"Sharpening the saw" for the first three dimensions - physical, spiritual and intellectual, is an activity which I call the "Daily private Victory". And I recommend you a simple practice: every day allocate one hour for this activity. Just an hour a day - but throughout the remainder of life. It will significantly improve the quality and efficiency of all the other hours of your life, including night sleep will become deeper and more restorative. It will give you the physical, spiritual and intellectual resistance, thanks to which you will be able to overcome life's difficulties.
Character cannot be created otherwise than through hard, long effort."

the Socio-emotional dimension does not require special time-consuming, as required by other dimensions. We can implement it in ordinary, everyday interaction with other people. But this will require effort. We may have to push myself to this, as many of us have not yet reached a level of Personal and Public Victory to Skills 4, 5 and 6 naturally would be in all of our interactions with other people.

Success Skills 4, 5 and 6 is mainly determined, not by the intellect and emotion. It is highly linked with our sense of personal security, with a sense of confidence.
If our sense of personal security depends on our internal sources, we have the power to apply the skills of Personal Victory. If we are not emotionally protected, even the possession of high intelligence does not exempt us from feeling a serious threat when you use Skills 4, 5 and 6 in dealing with people whose view on life is different from ours.

The feeling of personal safety can occur as a result of effective interdependent living. This feeling comes from the knowledge that the decisions in the spirit of "win-Win" is real, that life is not always "either-or" that there is almost always mutually beneficial Third Alternative. This feeling comes from the realization that you can deeply, truly understand the other person, you can move away from their point of view, not abandoning it. This feeling arises when you are genuinely creative and willing to interact with other people and in fact embody all the skills of interdependence.
Sense of personal security may occur through the Ministry and helping other people.
Another source of feelings of personal safety - this is an anonymous service, when nobody knows about it now and may not know in the future. For you it is not important. The main thing for you is to make lives of other people happier. You use the influence you have, but not a thank you or recognition of your merits.

The basic idea of Hans Selye, in his monumental study of stress is that a long, healthy and happy life is the result of constantly making contributions and the implementation of important projects that bring satisfaction to the person and make the lives of others happier. The essence of ethics Selye expressed in the words: "Earn the love of neighbor."
How did George Bernard Shaw; "to Be a part of great nature, and not a little trembling, selfish creature, the focus of diseases and plagues, hurt the whole world, which for some reason does not climb out of the skin, to make you happy."

Although it is important to upgrade each of these measurements optimally effective, this process becomes only when it is reasonably balanced across all four dimensions. Neglecting one of them will have a negative impact on everyone else.

Balanced update creates optimal conditions for achieving synergy. Whatever you undertake for the sake of "sharpening the saw" in any dimension, has a positive effect on the other measurements, since they are all highly interrelated. Your physical health affects your intellectual health; your spiritual strength affects the strength of emotional-social. Improving in one dimension, you are simultaneously increasing their opportunities in other.
The update is a principle and a process that encourages us to move on an upward spiral of growth and change, in a spiral of continuous improvement.
The upward spiral requires us to learn new, take responsibilities and act, rising each time to a new level. We only deceive ourselves into believing that we can do any one of these elements. To constantly move forward, we need to learn to commit and to act, and again to learn, to commit and to act.

To climbing this spiral was coherent and meaningful, we must consider another aspect of renewal which relates to the unique properties of a person and directs this upward movement -- our conscience. In the words of Madame de Stael: "the Voice of conscience is so weak that it is easy to drown out, but it is so clear that it is confused".
The conscience is a gift that allows us to feel our compliance or noncompliance with correct principles and who, if it is sufficiently developed - raises us to the heights of these principles.
Constantly develop and sensitise the conscience will lead us on the way of increase of personal freedom, security, wisdom and energy." :ay<

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Fri Jan 28, 2011 18:53

Decided to specify, but in another topic

User avatar
Вадим Перелыгин
Posts: 595
Joined: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:04
Location: Кострома
Been thanked: 7 times

Re: V. Perelygin. The books I read.

Post by Вадим Перелыгин » Wed May 08, 2013 18:33

I can not share impressions of books by Nicholay Levashov "Mirror of my soul T2" I was particularly touched, concerning all on the path of cultivation.

"The development of any person occurs only when its activities are not directed to itself, and external to a specific person. When a person takes personal responsibility for their actions and deeds, when he Despises, which means doing act in the name of Light, to bring light to the people, and this is possible only when the human activity aimed at the good of the Motherland, their country, for the benefit of others. It does not matter that others did not know about it, the case is not in order for it thanked, but because it is required by necessity.

The main problem of the so-called "Eastern teachings" is that they are aimed essentially at developing the seeker of enlightenment, and enlightenment does not come and does not come! And it may not be for the simple reason that the evolutionary acquisition occur only when the actions of a spiritual aspirant aims at the good of others! Everything is aimed at the so-called self — improvement in scale and loads slightly, in principle, negligible. And actions for the benefit of others, according to their tasks and loads can reach a universal scale.
And when you do, the current flow through flows of matter such power that they change, and the most current. New qualities and properties may not appear without an appropriate load.

Any manifestation of human narcissism dooms him to the impossibility for him to obtain enlightenment and to find the truth! The truth finds the one who thinks less about himself and more about the business that you want to do! And this is without full commitment, dedication to exercise is simply impossible!

A true leader doesn't force anything, a true leader gives understanding and the need for action, and for such a leader others follow not out of fear, but because of the understanding of the necessity of certain actions and personal responsibility both for their actions and for their inaction.

In other words, children are formed under conditions of true freedom, which is the basis of responsibility for actions or inaction, not on a false notion of individual freedom, which is manipulated by social parasites! Individual freedom is not the cult of the individual, so widely advocated in the West, where betrayal, deceit, lie, meanness declared advantages!" :ay<

Post Reply